The Lord has been good to me. Often, I feel undeserving of the love that the Lord has shown me over the years. For I do not deserve it. I did nothing to receive this love and yet he chose me. I struggle with acceptance. He has shown me that I am loved, accepted, and more than welcome at His throne as though I were an old friend. Always welcome to stop in for a chat, a cup of coffee and a good laugh or cry or hug.
Tami & Matthias last fall.
Honestly, on this earth I have had few friends that even come close to the openness that I feel with my Lord. Why would a person want to be my friend if they knew everything about me? I even find myself sometimes going so far as to try to convince people that I am not someone they want to befriend. Maybe it is something from my past, but I just don't trust people. People are fickle, unreliable, dishonest, full of betrayal, hate and sin, why would I put myself at their mercy?
Tyler, Elijah and Josiah. 3 of my men.
An earthly confidant is a spouse, sister, brother, or friend that despite all odds, loves us and we love them. I have precious few of these confidants. Each of them is priceless and the loss of one through death, distance or depression is a tragedy. I muse that the Lord is revealing to me the importance of an earthly confidant by showing me that the loss of one or two is not as bad as it seems. Oftentimes, I am so fearful of losing something that I never set out to acquire it to begin with. Yet, amidst great loss the Lord brings joy and I need to rest in Him. He is my strength and I am His beloved.
Sandi. The one and only.
The only friend that I truly need is Jesus. He is my rock. He is whom I turn to when I am struggling. When my children all have whooping cough, chicken pox, or broken bones, I turn to Him. When my goats are going into labor, my husband is traveling and there is no bread for the table, I turn to Him. When my only truly close friends depart from my sight, I turn to Him. This is one lesson that 2014 is teaching me and I fearfully anticipate will continue to teach me in the coming months.
Andrew & Caleb at SMASH.
What else is 2014 teaching me?
I need to...
Trust God to direct my earthly relationships
Purge my heart of complaints and pessimistic thoughts.
Tear down any strongholds that I have that create a barrier between me and my Father in heaven and the people that He has put into my life.
Enjoy the privilege and voice the joy of spending every hour of every day with five boys.