I feel as though I am overworked. This feeling of being stretched like "too little butter over too much toast" seems to be quite common among the hardworking. I have days where I feel as though I am chin deep in water and barely keeping myself alive. I even marvel at the fact that yesterday I was about to drown, but today I am no better or worse off. How long can one stay floating so deep in water and not drown?
Oftentimes I hear people state the obvious... "you are one busy lady" or even the occasional comment "I don't know how you do it". I don't know if these are meant to be compliments or not, but I can assure you, I do not need a reminder that I am barely surviving.Believe me, parenting four young boys is a time of trouble. Yet in the midst of this, the Lord blesses me daily by giving me strength, and love from above. I know that the only reason I do not sink down into the muck is that the Lord is lifting me up. He knows what I need, He knows that I cannot do this job without Him. He even knows that this is not my forte. I am even to the point of knowing that if I ended every day feeling completely confident then I wasn't following the leading of the Spirit. How lonely and irrelevant would my life be if I did not recognize my need for a Savior every day?
I know that I have been called to be a mother, farmer, housekeeper, and educator. I haven't always been happy about this calling. I had dreams of having a career (outside of the home) that I loved, with adults, and having a small nice quiet home to refresh and relax in. For one thing I know, my childhood dreams were shallow and didn't include some of the greatest blessings that I have received from God. So I am slowly trading these dreams to match reality.
Instead of an ordered adult oriented job; I dream of educating and raising my children in the most God centered way. Instead of a clean quiet haven; I have a loud home filled with laughter and the exploration of what God has done. Not all dreams need to be traded, though, some are new and more wonderful than the ones that I could ever come up with myself. I never even allowed myself to dream of a spouse, and yet I have the most wonderful man beside me everyday. Thank you Jesus that I would be so blessed!